49% of Brits admit to feeling envious of their neighbours' perfectly pruned gardens, their outdoor furniture (48%) or size of their outside space (43%), found a study by Taskrabbit.
Why is it that come spring your lawn is an eyesore covered in leaves and moss, yet your neighbour has perfectly regimented lines ready for al fresco entertaining? And while you worked for more years than them, their pension pot seems to be twice the size of yours, funding their weekend breaks and seemingly effortless lifestyle. The trouble with jealousy is that even if you've done well in life, someone else's beautiful house, stellar career, adoring partner, successful kids or impossibly toned body can irk. Yes, the grass does seem so much greener.
Being envious of others can often feel like a dirty little secret because it's a difficult emotion to admit to — it doesn't exactly show us in a good light. But it can also be an exhausting one. Constantly bubbling under the surface, we either desperately try to keep up with the Joneses, which more often than not leads to us feeling unsatisfied, or we use effort trying to keep a lid on our resentment.
'Jealousy among friends often stems from feeling as though someone else has something we lack,' explains Dr Léa Beretti, a clinical psychologist and director of Beretti Therapy*. 'These comparisons may trigger fears of being “less than” or being “left behind”.'
Yes, we care about our friends, says Dr Beretti, but we may also resent the very things we admire about them. This can result in a sort of cognitive dissonance, where we want the best for the people we love, while simultaneously struggling to be truly happy about their accomplishments, or what feels to us like 'lucky breaks'.
Digital influences
Being so connected online has added fuel to the fire, increasing our sense of inferiority or fear of missing out, aka FOMO, and painfully emphasising what seems to be absent in our lives.
'Social media amplifies feelings of jealousy by exposing us to curated, idealised versions of others' lives,' says chartered psychologist Dr Sheena Kumar**. Constantly reading about their achievements can create unrealistic comparisons and a sense of inadequacy. But, in truth, what we're comparing ourselves to is an edited illusion, says Dr Beretti. Think about it — what sacrifices did those friends make? Or perhaps their priorities are different from yours.
Learnt behaviour
The main reason some of us get stuck in a mire of bitterness — while others shake it off — often comes from our upbringing.
Experiences and childhood dynamics play a significant role, says Dr Kumar. 'Early relationships can influence how we perceive trust, insecurity and competition,' she says. 'Over time, life events and relationships further shape how jealousy manifests and how we learn to manage it.' If your dad got angry when your mum talked to other men, or your mum always tried to keep up with the neighbours so you grew up feeling like you never had enough — such things can taint your world view and lead to jealousy in later life.
Some people may also have a temperament that makes them more prone to jealousy, says Dr Kumar. 'And biological factors can also make some more sensitive to perceived threats.'
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1389340925/1741272199/articles/QIVEDsK761741329435228/Ba4VsQ_Yv1741333154050.jpg]
Breaking the cycle
Fortunately, jealousy isn’t a fixed personality trait, says Dr Beretti. 'It’s a transient emotion that arises in response to particular circumstances.' What we get jealous about may also depend on our age — we are more likely to feel jealous about friendships when we're teenagers, for instance, and envious of careers or relationships in adulthood, says Dr Beretti. And we may experience it most acutely during periods of insecurity, such as a job loss or break-up, which is something to be mindful of if you're currently going through a stressful period in your life, such as redundancy, divorce or the menopause.
Crucially, we should realise something useful can come out of what seems to be destructive. 'It is not inherently negative,' says Dr Beretti. 'It can also prompt self-reflection, helping us to recognise what we value or where we want to grow.'
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1389340925/1741272199/articles/QIVEDsK761741329435228/dJIFZlvmP1741333191953.jpg]
RISE ABOVE IT
Learn how to recognise, accept and overcome harmful emotions.
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS
Admitting that there's an issue is the first step. Controlling jealous thoughts starts with self-awareness, so acknowledge the emotion without judgement, says Dr Kumar. Perhaps you think yo...
Why is it that come spring your lawn is an eyesore covered in leaves and moss, yet your neighbour has perfectly regimented lines ready for al fresco entertaining? And while you worked for more years than them, their pension pot seems to be twice the size of yours, funding their weekend breaks and seemingly effortless lifestyle. The trouble with jealousy is that even if you've done well in life, someone else's beautiful house, stellar career, adoring partner, successful kids or impossibly toned body can irk. Yes, the grass does seem so much greener.
Being envious of others can often feel like a dirty little secret because it's a difficult emotion to admit to — it doesn't exactly show us in a good light. But it can also be an exhausting one. Constantly bubbling under the surface, we either desperately try to keep up with the Joneses, which more often than not leads to us feeling unsatisfied, or we use effort trying to keep a lid on our resentment.
'Jealousy among friends often stems from feeling as though someone else has something we lack,' explains Dr Léa Beretti, a clinical psychologist and director of Beretti Therapy*. 'These comparisons may trigger fears of being “less than” or being “left behind”.'
Yes, we care about our friends, says Dr Beretti, but we may also resent the very things we admire about them. This can result in a sort of cognitive dissonance, where we want the best for the people we love, while simultaneously struggling to be truly happy about their accomplishments, or what feels to us like 'lucky breaks'.
Digital influences
Being so connected online has added fuel to the fire, increasing our sense of inferiority or fear of missing out, aka FOMO, and painfully emphasising what seems to be absent in our lives.
'Social media amplifies feelings of jealousy by exposing us to curated, idealised versions of others' lives,' says chartered psychologist Dr Sheena Kumar**. Constantly reading about their achievements can create unrealistic comparisons and a sense of inadequacy. But, in truth, what we're comparing ourselves to is an edited illusion, says Dr Beretti. Think about it — what sacrifices did those friends make? Or perhaps their priorities are different from yours.
Learnt behaviour
The main reason some of us get stuck in a mire of bitterness — while others shake it off — often comes from our upbringing.
Experiences and childhood dynamics play a significant role, says Dr Kumar. 'Early relationships can influence how we perceive trust, insecurity and competition,' she says. 'Over time, life events and relationships further shape how jealousy manifests and how we learn to manage it.' If your dad got angry when your mum talked to other men, or your mum always tried to keep up with the neighbours so you grew up feeling like you never had enough — such things can taint your world view and lead to jealousy in later life.
Some people may also have a temperament that makes them more prone to jealousy, says Dr Kumar. 'And biological factors can also make some more sensitive to perceived threats.'
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1389340925/1741272199/articles/QIVEDsK761741329435228/Ba4VsQ_Yv1741333154050.jpg]
Breaking the cycle
Fortunately, jealousy isn’t a fixed personality trait, says Dr Beretti. 'It’s a transient emotion that arises in response to particular circumstances.' What we get jealous about may also depend on our age — we are more likely to feel jealous about friendships when we're teenagers, for instance, and envious of careers or relationships in adulthood, says Dr Beretti. And we may experience it most acutely during periods of insecurity, such as a job loss or break-up, which is something to be mindful of if you're currently going through a stressful period in your life, such as redundancy, divorce or the menopause.
Crucially, we should realise something useful can come out of what seems to be destructive. 'It is not inherently negative,' says Dr Beretti. 'It can also prompt self-reflection, helping us to recognise what we value or where we want to grow.'
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1389340925/1741272199/articles/QIVEDsK761741329435228/dJIFZlvmP1741333191953.jpg]
RISE ABOVE IT
Learn how to recognise, accept and overcome harmful emotions.
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS
Admitting that there's an issue is the first step. Controlling jealous thoughts starts with self-awareness, so acknowledge the emotion without judgement, says Dr Kumar. Perhaps you think yo...
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Woman & Home Uk (Digital) - 1 Issue, April 2025