MORE SNIPPETS OF WISDOM with The MAN in the PUB

HERE’S A LITTLE tip for you. If you’re stranded on a desert island, and all there is to eat is cucumbers, you’ll live longer if you don’t eat the fuckers. No, straight up, it’s true. See, they’ve got no nutritional value in ‘em at all, cucumbers. Nothing. Fuck all. And they’ve got no calories, neither, so it’s just wasted energy chewing the fucking things. It happened once. There was a shipwreck on an island with just cucumbers, and everybody tucked in except one bloke. When the rescue party tipped up he was still alive, and he was sat there surrounded by all the bodies of them what had eaten the cucumbers. HERE’S A THING. If you built a rail out of metal, you know, like a monorail track or something,…

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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, September 2024

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