JAMES v BRIAN v THERESA WHO’S THE BEST MAY?

PRE-RAPHAELITE muse Christina Georgina Rossetti famously wrote: “There is but one May in the year.” But she was talking out her fucking arse. That’s because, as everyone knows, there are actually three Mays - car nut JAMES, Queen axe-man BRIAN, and maladroit failed PM THERESA. But which one is the best? It “may” be any one of them, so it’s time for a 3-way contest to find out the definitive answer once and for all…

JAMES ROUND 1 MUSICAL ABILITY Despite making his name on Top Gear as one of thirsty filmcrew-walloper Jeremy Clarkson’s motor-mad sidekicks, James originally studied music to degree level at Lancaster University, where he played the flute and piano. And those two instruments are not the only ones on which he can bang out a tune; back in 2015, he posted an internet video of himself practising The British Grenadiers on a descant recorder, a performance which was described by musicologist Miriam Nerval as “not always pleasing”. Nevertheless, it’s a solid opening movement for Captain Slow as he squeaks into an early lead. Score 8 ROUND 2 YORKSHIRE-BUILT CARS Although he spent his teenage years in the South Riding town of Rotherham, car-crazed honorary Tyke James seems never to have cemented…

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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, October 2021

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