DON’T waste money on expensive sliced bread. Simply buy a cheaper, non-sliced loaf and then press it firmly through a sharp cattle grid. Make sure to put a tray underneath the grid first to catch the slices.
F Palmer, Fulchestershire
A BAGEL coated in clear silicone caulking compound and then painted orange with little white stripes makes an ideal life belt for a hamster.
M. Arsecrumbs, Norwich
AMATEUR bakers. Tired of your bread not rising properly? Simply stir three Viagra pills into the dough mixture. If that doesn’t work, play hardcore pornography on a loop in front of the oven.
P North, California
UNLUCKY people. Sick of your bread always falling buttered side down? Simply keep your kitchen floor coated at all times with a thick layer of butter. Hey…
You're reading a preview of
Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, November 2016