DARK MATTER

Tees man’s U-bend-blocker at top lab

RESEARCH at the CERN laboratories into finding the elusive Higgs boson – the fundamental sub-atomic particle that could hold the key to the origin of the universe – was halted yesterday after a man from Middlesbrough blocked the bogs. Phil Tinker, 52, had been on a day trip to the particle physics establishment outside Geneva when he produced a bowel movement so large that the toilets, and Large Hadron Collider itself, were shut down as a safety precaution. “I’d flown in on an early flight from Teesside airport, so I’d not had time to go before I left,” Tinker told reporters. “I’d had a couple of chicken parmos the night before, and a couple of pints and a full English at the Wetherspoons the other side of security, so I…

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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, May 2024

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