What would the anti-woke arseholes do if they were… WOKE FOR A DAY

UP AND DOWN the country, from Lands End to John O’Groats, as well as across the width of it, from Lowestoff Ness to Ardnamurchan Point, we’ve all wondered what it would be like to be Woke For A Day. If we found ourselves inexplicably transformed into a treasonous Marxist do-gooder, hellbent on dismantling proud traditions such as racism, sexism and homophobia, how would we spend 24 hours? And this quandary doesn’t just plague the average Joe in the street – it also haunts the arsehole celebrity set, too. We phoned three of our favourite anti-woke bellends and asked them: What would YOU do if you went Woke For A Day?

Laurence Fox, arsehole failed actor AS AN ANTI-WOKE firebrand, I steadfastly refuse to kneel, due to kneeling’s toxic association with the Stalinist #BlackLivesMatter movement. So if I went Woke For A Day, I’d take the opportunity to do all the kneeling-based chores I haven’t been able to perform for the last few years – such as tying my shoelaces and fixing that leak under the sink. If I had any time left after that, I’d probably have fun doing a few other knee-centric activities, such as weeding the garden or pretending to be a child by shuffling about with my shoes on my knees. All things considered, it would be a refreshing change of pace to be able to bend my leg joints without worrying about accidentally advocating communism. Jeremy…

You're reading a preview of

Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, May 2022

DiscountMags is a licensed distributor (not a publisher) of the above content and Publication through Zinio LLC. Accordingly, we have no editorial control over the Publications. Any opinions, advice, statements, services, offers or other information or content expressed or made available by third parties, including those made in Publications offered on our website, are those of the respective author(s) or publisher(s) and not of DiscountMags. DiscountMags does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, truthfulness, or usefulness of all or any portion of any publication or any services or offers made by third parties, nor will we be liable for any loss or damage caused by your reliance on information contained in any Publication, or your use of services offered, or your acceptance of any offers made through the Service or the Publications. For content removal requests, please contact Zinio.