GENTLEMEN. Coat your testicles in honey and sprinkle them with polystyrene packing pellets prior to taking a bath. If the bath is too hot, the honey will melt, the packing pellets will fall off and your testicles will sink. If the bath water is tepid, your testicles will remain afloat and you may continue your ablutions.
Nick Lyon, Orkney
GIVE boring office meetings a police drama feel by saying “for the benefit of the tape (work colleague’s name) has entered/left the room” any time anyone comes in or leaves.
Hasto, Cramlington
SUPERGLU E a dead wasp to your palm before slapping your boss on the head. When they remonstrate, simply show them your hand, and say how you saved them from getting stung.
Adam, Manchester
AVOID overfilling the kettle and…
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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, March 2024