FIELDS OF COLD

Fears for pop bellend during cold snap

METEOROLIGISTS warn that we are in for a blast of Arctic weather. Snow and ice in all parts of the UK will bring widespread travel disruption and the cancellation of sporting fixtures. But music business insiders are also worried that the freezing temperatures will make life particularly hazardous for pop bellend Sting. “It’s not the cold temperatures that are the problem,” says Hymen Prepuce, head of Parlophone records. “Sting could wrap up warm in a thick coat, perhaps a trench coat from Aquascutum, or a peacoat from Brunello Cucinelli. The real problem that faces him is falling on the ice.” sumptious Prepuce is right to be concerned, because despite his multi-million pound fortune, 72-year-old Sting is subject to the same laws of physics as everyone else. “Ice has got a…

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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, March 2024

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