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CONVINCE regulars in your local that you are a candidate in a general election by getting your wife to film you gingerly sipping a pint, whilst you are wearing a massive rosette. Kevin Caswell-Jones, Gresford PEOPLE who live in glass houses. Use 9mm MDF or plywood to board up your walls so that stones simply bounce off, and passers-by can’t see you on your toilet wiping your arse. Trev, Sheffield. CONSTIPATED? Simply order something from a firm who can’t give you an exact delivery time. On delivery day, the urge to shit will build up, and you will pass your first stool just as the doorbell rings. Percy Pinchloaf, Yorkshire SAVE on electricity bills by boiling pasta for slightly less than the recommended time. Al Dente, Italy FOOL your prostate examination…

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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, June/July 2023

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