PONYTAILS OF THE UNEXPECTED

THERE were jubilant scenes outside the Houses of Parliament last night as men’s welfare groups celebrated a cross-party parliamentary committee’s decision to overhaul outdated laws governing male MIDLIFE CRISES in England and Wales. The changes will come into effect from next year and could affect up to 6 million middle-aged men with diminishing levels of male sex hormones. The sweeping changes are expected to pass through the Commons unopposed, and will bring the male midlife crisis into the 21st century. OUT will go dated goatee beards, tattoos, braided bracelets, and functional alcoholism. IN will come carbon fibre racing bikes, along with undersized lycra tops, tongue piercings, anal bleaching and spouting uninformed incoherent bollocks on Twitter. “Britain has a long and proud tradition of increasingly reckless, embarrassing and foolhardy behaviour from its…

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Viz (Digital) - 1 Issue, December/Jan 2022

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