Matt Willis is preparing for a new tour with his band Busted– and he’s terrified. The bassist and singer, 40, has battled with alcohol and drugs for as long as he can remember, and fears another relapse would end his marriage to his TV star wife Emma – and his life.
“Over the last two decades, I’ve relapsed repeatedly and been to rehab four times. I’m terrified of relapsing again,” admits Matt. “The thought of it is constantly in my head. I don’t know if I have it in me to get out of it again.”
[https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1683614128/articles/-4AENlu5L1683619381505/6581541564.jpg]
Busted last toured in 2017, when Matt had been happily clean and sober for eight years and Emma was at home with their three children Isabelle, Ace and Trixie, who was just eight months old at the time.
“After one of our shows someone offered me a line of coke, and I was like, ‘Oh, cocaine wasn’t a problem for me, alcohol was my downfall,’” explains Matt. “Within a month I was doing six grams on my own every f**king day and not coming home until three in the morning pretending I was working on an album, which I wasn’t really writing, I was making s**t music in the studio doing coke.”
Now Matt is exploring what makes him an addict in a new documentary Matt Willis: Fighting Addiction and investigating how to avoid another crisis.
Emma and Matt married in 2008, soon after his visit to rehab. Emma, 47, says, “We’ve been together for 18 years. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got four kids instead of three. There’s been a lot of joy but equally it’s been incredibly heavy at times.”
[https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1683614128/articles/-4AENlu5L1683619381505/5461461168.jpg]
Marriages are based on trust and Emma’s proud of Matt for everything he does to stay sober. But she admits the new tour is a huge worry. “Matt’s always had issues, but they seem to really kick in when he’s on tour,” says Emma. “I know he doesn’t want to be that person, but is his brain going to trick him and go ‘one more time’? That’s the worry.”
Matt’s addictions meant he couldn’t function, his health deteriorated and he feared he would die. He also spent his life apologising.
“I knew I was an addict long before I got clean,” says Matt. “I just tried to hide it, and then it was unhideable, then it was just about saying ‘sorry’ every five minutes, but still doing it, and then those sorrys mean nothing.”
Things came to a head when Matt began to fear he would lose Emma and his life.
“I was going to lose everything. I wanted to stay alive,” explains Matt. “I didn’t want to die and at that point it was very clear that if I carried on the way I was gonna go, I was gonna die. It was very much life or death.”
Matt credits Emma with helping him through his darkest days. Now, he’s determined to make it up to her by not relapsing, rather than with romantic gestures or endless apologies.
[https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1683614128/articles/-4AENlu5L1683619381505/1113551661.jpg]
“I said ‘sorry’ so many f**king times that I don’t think that’s good enough,” explains Matt. “I make amends daily by not being that guy. Every time my head hits the pillow and I haven’t done something outrageous, I’m making amends in a way.”
In the documentary, Matt explores his difficult childhood and meets up with his brother Darren to discuss their upbringing and their “heated relationship” with their stepdad.
Matt started drinking so young he can’t remember when he had his first drink and spent much of his youth boozing in parks and smoking cannabis.
Matt also sees a therapist, who explains why he can’t remember large chunks of his early years, and has committed to more therapy to try to tackle his demons and avoid a relapse.
The documentary is unflinching and it means Matt is due to have some difficult conversation...
“Over the last two decades, I’ve relapsed repeatedly and been to rehab four times. I’m terrified of relapsing again,” admits Matt. “The thought of it is constantly in my head. I don’t know if I have it in me to get out of it again.”
[https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1683614128/articles/-4AENlu5L1683619381505/6581541564.jpg]
Busted last toured in 2017, when Matt had been happily clean and sober for eight years and Emma was at home with their three children Isabelle, Ace and Trixie, who was just eight months old at the time.
“After one of our shows someone offered me a line of coke, and I was like, ‘Oh, cocaine wasn’t a problem for me, alcohol was my downfall,’” explains Matt. “Within a month I was doing six grams on my own every f**king day and not coming home until three in the morning pretending I was working on an album, which I wasn’t really writing, I was making s**t music in the studio doing coke.”
Now Matt is exploring what makes him an addict in a new documentary Matt Willis: Fighting Addiction and investigating how to avoid another crisis.
Emma and Matt married in 2008, soon after his visit to rehab. Emma, 47, says, “We’ve been together for 18 years. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got four kids instead of three. There’s been a lot of joy but equally it’s been incredibly heavy at times.”
[https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1683614128/articles/-4AENlu5L1683619381505/5461461168.jpg]
Marriages are based on trust and Emma’s proud of Matt for everything he does to stay sober. But she admits the new tour is a huge worry. “Matt’s always had issues, but they seem to really kick in when he’s on tour,” says Emma. “I know he doesn’t want to be that person, but is his brain going to trick him and go ‘one more time’? That’s the worry.”
Matt’s addictions meant he couldn’t function, his health deteriorated and he feared he would die. He also spent his life apologising.
“I knew I was an addict long before I got clean,” says Matt. “I just tried to hide it, and then it was unhideable, then it was just about saying ‘sorry’ every five minutes, but still doing it, and then those sorrys mean nothing.”
Things came to a head when Matt began to fear he would lose Emma and his life.
“I was going to lose everything. I wanted to stay alive,” explains Matt. “I didn’t want to die and at that point it was very clear that if I carried on the way I was gonna go, I was gonna die. It was very much life or death.”
Matt credits Emma with helping him through his darkest days. Now, he’s determined to make it up to her by not relapsing, rather than with romantic gestures or endless apologies.
[https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1683614128/articles/-4AENlu5L1683619381505/1113551661.jpg]
“I said ‘sorry’ so many f**king times that I don’t think that’s good enough,” explains Matt. “I make amends daily by not being that guy. Every time my head hits the pillow and I haven’t done something outrageous, I’m making amends in a way.”
In the documentary, Matt explores his difficult childhood and meets up with his brother Darren to discuss their upbringing and their “heated relationship” with their stepdad.
Matt started drinking so young he can’t remember when he had his first drink and spent much of his youth boozing in parks and smoking cannabis.
Matt also sees a therapist, who explains why he can’t remember large chunks of his early years, and has committed to more therapy to try to tackle his demons and avoid a relapse.
The documentary is unflinching and it means Matt is due to have some difficult conversation...
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New UK (Digital) - 1 Issue, May 15, 2023