My wedding day in September this year was truly the best day of my life. Walking down the aisle in a size 10, mermaid style dress, I looked and felt a million dollars. My new husband, Paul Flounders, beamed as he saw me and, after we’d tied the knot, we spent the entire day smiling and laughing together. At last, I’ve found my soulmate – and he loves a healthy lifestyle as much as I do.
It was all a far cry from my first marriage in 1994, when I was 23 years old. I squeezed into a size 26 frock, which was the largest dress they had in the shop. I’d tried to lose weight but I was stuck in a cycle of following fad diets, then falling off the wagon and bingeing. As a hairdresser, I was on my feet all day being active and sometimes I’d start my day eating a large packet of chocolate buttons just to keep myself going. My overwhelming memory of that time is one of relief that I could find something to fit me.
The truth was I was addicted to food and had been from a young age. Starting puberty at 11 years old, I felt different from my friends and struggled with my body image, turning to food for comfort. I mistook my natural curves for being fat and I desperately wanted to be straight up and down like my friends still were.
My family’s relationship with food was complicated. My parents were brilliant cooks and we always had homemade, healthy meals. But there was also a strong association between food and affection. My mum was an amazing baker and showed her love by making cakes. Every family gathering revolved around food. In my young mind, I started to equate sugar and sweets with love and comfort. At 14, I began dieting, which reinforced in my mind that there were “good” and “bad” foods. Instead of learning sustainable eating patterns, I was stressed about counting points. Later I tried restrictive plans which involved drinking just three milkshakes per day.
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1732598464/articles/xkebLYMFi1732603878548/7637916676.jpg]
ADDICTED TO FOOD
The low-fat craze of the 1990s also had a big impact on me – I felt fat was the enemy and instead ate lots of ultra-processed low-fat food. But when I was in binge mode, I would eat any carbs I could get my hands on, like biscuits, cakes, chocolate and crisps. The cycle of dieting and binge eating continued for years, taking a toll on my physical and mental health, worsening my self-esteem and body image issues. Food addiction feels shameful – we talk openly about people being addicted to cigarettes, drugs and alcohol, but food addiction is hidden away.
The turning point came when I was 24. I’d gone to see the doctor because my periods had stopped. I thought I weighed about 15st but I was shocked to see the scales hit 21st 10lb. The doctor’s blunt assessment that I wouldn’t live to 40 if I didn’t lose weight was a wake-up call.
I cried all the way home. I think that was my lowest point. She hadn’t given me any advice but, rather than turning to food for comfort, I decided to make changes. That night, I put on my trainers and went for a 30-minute walk, the first step on a path that would transform my life. I did it in the dark, while my husband was on a night shift, because I didn’t want anyone to laugh at me.
After a few weeks, I felt less breathless. I also made small changes to my diet. I went cold turkey on the chocolate – I’d only let myself have a Freddo – and would do things like swap chips for a jacket potato. I introduced veggies and cottage cheese into my diet and ditched bread.
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1732598464/articles/xkebLYMFi1732603878548/7925957616.jpg]
Pregnancy didn’t derail me. After I gave birth to my daughter Chloe, now 26, I stepped on the scales in the hospital and I weighed 18st. Once I’d given birth to Jack, now 25, I was 15st 7lb. With both of them, I’d walked and walked in the country parks in Swindon and when they were toddlers I kept that up. I didn’t join a gym until I was 15st – it was a terrifying moment, walking in there. But I fell in love with exercise and the endorphins.
When the kids were little, I left my first marriage and was on my own for five years. I went back to college and got a degree in education and taught hairdressing. By the end of my twenties, I’d lost 6st. There was so much spare skin, I had an operation to remove it in 2003. The skin itself weighed half a stone. My mum was nervous, but when she saw how much slimmer my midriff lo...
It was all a far cry from my first marriage in 1994, when I was 23 years old. I squeezed into a size 26 frock, which was the largest dress they had in the shop. I’d tried to lose weight but I was stuck in a cycle of following fad diets, then falling off the wagon and bingeing. As a hairdresser, I was on my feet all day being active and sometimes I’d start my day eating a large packet of chocolate buttons just to keep myself going. My overwhelming memory of that time is one of relief that I could find something to fit me.
The truth was I was addicted to food and had been from a young age. Starting puberty at 11 years old, I felt different from my friends and struggled with my body image, turning to food for comfort. I mistook my natural curves for being fat and I desperately wanted to be straight up and down like my friends still were.
My family’s relationship with food was complicated. My parents were brilliant cooks and we always had homemade, healthy meals. But there was also a strong association between food and affection. My mum was an amazing baker and showed her love by making cakes. Every family gathering revolved around food. In my young mind, I started to equate sugar and sweets with love and comfort. At 14, I began dieting, which reinforced in my mind that there were “good” and “bad” foods. Instead of learning sustainable eating patterns, I was stressed about counting points. Later I tried restrictive plans which involved drinking just three milkshakes per day.
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1732598464/articles/xkebLYMFi1732603878548/7637916676.jpg]
ADDICTED TO FOOD
The low-fat craze of the 1990s also had a big impact on me – I felt fat was the enemy and instead ate lots of ultra-processed low-fat food. But when I was in binge mode, I would eat any carbs I could get my hands on, like biscuits, cakes, chocolate and crisps. The cycle of dieting and binge eating continued for years, taking a toll on my physical and mental health, worsening my self-esteem and body image issues. Food addiction feels shameful – we talk openly about people being addicted to cigarettes, drugs and alcohol, but food addiction is hidden away.
The turning point came when I was 24. I’d gone to see the doctor because my periods had stopped. I thought I weighed about 15st but I was shocked to see the scales hit 21st 10lb. The doctor’s blunt assessment that I wouldn’t live to 40 if I didn’t lose weight was a wake-up call.
I cried all the way home. I think that was my lowest point. She hadn’t given me any advice but, rather than turning to food for comfort, I decided to make changes. That night, I put on my trainers and went for a 30-minute walk, the first step on a path that would transform my life. I did it in the dark, while my husband was on a night shift, because I didn’t want anyone to laugh at me.
After a few weeks, I felt less breathless. I also made small changes to my diet. I went cold turkey on the chocolate – I’d only let myself have a Freddo – and would do things like swap chips for a jacket potato. I introduced veggies and cottage cheese into my diet and ditched bread.
image [https://cdn.magzter.com/1583506613/1732598464/articles/xkebLYMFi1732603878548/7925957616.jpg]
Pregnancy didn’t derail me. After I gave birth to my daughter Chloe, now 26, I stepped on the scales in the hospital and I weighed 18st. Once I’d given birth to Jack, now 25, I was 15st 7lb. With both of them, I’d walked and walked in the country parks in Swindon and when they were toddlers I kept that up. I didn’t join a gym until I was 15st – it was a terrifying moment, walking in there. But I fell in love with exercise and the endorphins.
When the kids were little, I left my first marriage and was on my own for five years. I went back to college and got a degree in education and taught hairdressing. By the end of my twenties, I’d lost 6st. There was so much spare skin, I had an operation to remove it in 2003. The skin itself weighed half a stone. My mum was nervous, but when she saw how much slimmer my midriff lo...
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New UK (Digital) - 1 Issue, December 02, 2024