UNABLE TO PORTAGE OR PADDLE

In this column, Ben announces his shocking and forced retirement due to foot rot of the worst variety.

Ben Stookesberry

FRIEND OF THE FEARLESS Kayak Session, fellow paddlers, and the global whitewater kayaking community, it is with great reluctance and utter bewilderment that I must announce my retirement from whitewater kayaking. This decision comes as a result of a persistent and alarmingly pungent case of foot rot that seems to be growing worse. You may wonder how such an inconspicuous ailment could force a paddler to retire, and I assure you, I share your incredulity. But allow me to elucidate the recent journeys that have brought me to this point. My personal physician, Felicity Creekemore, suspects that my feet have become a repository for toxins known as Persistent Bio-Toxins, PBTs for short. We suspect that I have been hyper-exposed to these malevolent substances from the ultra-toxic bleach of a defunct…

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Kayak Session (Digital) - 1 Issue, Winter 2023

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